Gloria Wells

When my mother passed away several years ago, I found the memories and thoughts that other mourners wrote about her to be such a gift to me. It provided me with a glimpse into who my mother was outside of being my mother. Co-workers, past patients, and people from the community all provided me with this insight that I found intriguing and interesting as if I was learning about someone I didn’t know at all. Years later when my friend and college roommate died, I wrote her son a letter about who his mother was to me as I wanted to give him the gift of knowing his mother from another point of view – just as so many had done for me when my mother had died. I did the same when my good friend Pam passed away unexpectedly. Pam had never married and had no children, so I took the time to write a letter to her siblings. Then last year my friend Sue was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer. During the months that she battled her disease, I got to thinking about my past letters. This time I had ample notice that my friend’s life would soon be over. This time, I had the time to tell my friend what she had meant to me instead of memorializing her in a letter to her family. Below is the letter that I gave to Sue while she was still well enough to read it. I hesitated with the entire idea as I knew it would also be one more reminder to her that death was near. I was not exactly sure how it would be received, but I wrote from the heart and then let go of any expectations. This is how the letter went: Dear Sue, when my mother passed on, people wrote many different memories about how she had touched their lives. It was something that really moved me and gave me a greater insight into who my mother was as a person and not just a mom. It also led me to wonder if they ever told my mother any of those things. After that, when someone close to me passed, I would write a note to their children or family members to let them know what that person meant to me and how they touched my life. Again, I wondered if those who passed knew what I thought about them or was it something I only shared after they were gone. With that in mind, I don’t want to wait until your funeral to say things about you that you may never hear. Now I have no great insight into the life after this one, but just in case you won’t be at your own funeral, I thought I’d share my thoughts now. I can’t remember when we met exactly, but those early days of Body Buddies and trips to Mexico were some of my favorite times. Getting that many women moving in the same direction was comical enough and I always remember that you added additional levity and of course fashion to any of our gatherings. I know I had an immediate connection to you as a fellow nurse, Midwesterner, and independent woman. Each year at the annual Body Buddies Holiday Party, I so looked forward to your antics during the gift exchange. You made the party so fun and once again glamorous and fashionable. You were the entertainment!! Of course, after I left La Camarilla I lost touch with most everyone. I guess the best thing about this cancer is that you and I reconnected on a much more frequent basis. I’ve treasured our visits and lunches and I’ve so enjoyed baking for you – even when it was a flop. Through it all you have remained a dear friend and the woman who could don the cover of any magazine with your style and beauty. ... 7 Your bravery and your willingness to be vulnerable throughout this past year is something I so admire and hope that I have learned from. Bravery is not the absence of fear, but rather the courage to face something even when we are afraid. You have faced all of this in a way I could only hope to emulate. Along the way, you shared your pain and your fear which was a true gift of trust and friendship. Although we don’t share the same religious beliefs, I have always respected your devotion and commitment to your faith. I realize we all have our own journeys and our own lessons to learn, but I am grateful that you have been part of my journey and that you have shared a piece of yours with me. I love you Sue and I will feel the void when you are gone. Your Friend Always! Gloria, I share this letter not because it is some well written piece of literature, but as an example of how taking the time to write a simple letter from the heart can be the greatest gift that you can give - not only to the receiver, but also to yourself. This letter provided me with the opportunity to feel at peace with Sue’s death. When she slipped into a coma on those final days, I felt a great deal of calm just knowing that I had already shared my thoughts. I was at peace that Sue knew how I felt about her and that peace helped me to feel a sense of closure with her passing. Sue’s funeral was on Veteran’s Day and interestingly enough, the poem that she chose for the back of her prayer card was the following: Love Me Before I Die Sharina Saad When I am dead, your tears may flow, but I won’t know, cry for me now instead. When I am dead, you will send flowers, but I won’t see, send them now, instead. When I am dead you will say words of praise, but I won’t hear, praise me now, instead. When I am dead, you will forget my faults, but I won’t know, forget them now, instead. When I am dead, you will say I was great, if you tell it now I will feel proud. When I am dead, you will come to my grave and whisper “I love you, why did you leave?” but I will not be able to feel you in my arms, don’t wait if you have to express, tell that now, instead. So please don’t wait, tell that now, instead. Often times, we cannot quite find the words to say to those we love, appreciate, or respect. Writing a letter can provide that much needed space for thoughtfulness, reflection, and sharing. You don’t have to wait until someone is ready to leave this world as we really never know when that might be. You don’t have to wait until you have the letter perfect, just write from the heart and send.